Talk Like Shakespeare

On April 23, 1564, the bard of Avon, William Shakespeare was born, which is also the day the famous bard kicked thy bucket 52 years anon in 1616. Thus, April 23, hath been dubbed “Talk Like Shakespeare Day.” This one’s for him.

I Wanna Talk Like Shakespeare

I wanted to be an actress
When I was just a kid.
I always dreamt of being on stage
And speaking as Shakespeare did.

But I was born in Texas
Where language is drawled and slow,
From the balcony, I oft did emote to the crowd,
“Hey, howdy there Romeo.”

I kept it up despite my hick talk.
(I thought I was hot to trot.)
I walked in my sleep like Lady Macbeth,
“Can y’all see this ole damned spot?”

And when I discovered Richard III,
Sometimes I did steal the show.
In Texas, we never trade kingdoms for horses,
We just say “giddyup” and “whoa.”

As a speaker, Marc Anthony worked a crowd with finesse.
They lent him their ears when he spoke.
But when I performed his illustrious speech
I spewed, “Hey y’all pipe down, kinfolk!”

Hamlet with Yorrick was my last-ditch attempt
“To be or not to be.”
It came out so twangy the audience laughed.
Screw Shakespeare, you’re just stuck with me.