Señor Barr B. Kew

Have you ever given much thought to what kind of superpower you would have if you could choose one? Maybe you would be invisible, or be able to read people’s minds. Right now I’m getting over a head infection, and my ears are stopped up. Today, I’d give anything for super-sharp hearing, or at least some hearing! Superpowers are very cool.

Likewise, all superheroes have an alter ego. Superman’s is Clark Kent, a reporter. Daredevil is Matt Murdock, a lawyer. Black Widow, when not an Avenger, is a professional dancer. Bruce Banner (The Hulk) is a physicist, and Wonderwoman is Diana Prince, a nurse, an intelligence officer, and an astronaut.

To be a superhero, you have to have superpowers, but also a flip-side vocation. It’s just the way it’s done and what makes you super.

The superhero of my life is my husband, Capt’n Clean. He, most assuredly has an alter ego, some days several. There are times, like this past week when I ask him to repeat himself because I couldn’t hear him, he morphs into the Gray Gargoyle, because he loves the color gray, but mainly because he turns himself into a pillar of stone out of frustration. for having to repeat himself. But this doesn’t happen often. Hallelujah!

Capt’n Clean’s certifiable alter ego is Señor Barr B. Kew, Master of the Rotisserie and all things Grilled. Maybe this is his superpower and being clean is just his normal self. Whichever way it goes, I benefit from both, and since May is National Barbecue Month, I figured you would want to know all about it.

So you’re probably wondering what makes an ordinary weekend outdoor bbq dude a fire pit superhero. I’m going to tell you.

Fire Control

A true Master of the Grill will pay a lot of attention to the source of his power, the heat. Señor Kew’s grill has a few little vent holes covered by a sliding metal cap that helps to control the airflow to the fire. He also stacks and arranges his charcoal in an expert way so that he has at least two zones for cooking: a flaming hot side and a simmering warm one. All superheroes, like husbands, can run hot to warm, and frankly, we wouldn’t want it any other way.

Variety

Being able to cook just about anything on a grill is definitely an ability that many dream of, but few have mastered. The “bueno” Señor Kew is multitalented and has created all sorts of culinary delicacies on his pit. He has a special cooking cage in which he seers vegetables and special wooden planks for salmon. The man is fearless. He’ll grill anything.

Charcoal

Having experimented with gas as a fuel source, my BBQ Hero prefers charcoal. And it can’t be just any kind of charcoal, oh no. To get his signature “char-broiled” flavor it must be lump charcoal. He has a special metal chimney thingy with a handle on the side that he uses to get each coal clump lit. He puts crumpled newspapers at the bottom of it to get the fire going. It’s legendary!

The Rub

It always amazes me how much time Señor Kew spends with his epicurean creations before they ever get to the grill. Like a chemist, he concocts special seasoning powders for each type of meat he prepares. Then, like Rodin with his sculptures, he gently massages the seasonings into the muscle fibers of the meat. It’s a ceremony of epic proportion and what sets him apart from the wanna-be meat maestros of the universe.

Patience

Perhaps, this is Señor Kew’s most admirable superpower. It blows me away. I am deficient when it comes to perseverance in the kitchen. That’s why I don’t cook. My man will get up at the crack of dawn, when it is still dark, to fire up his grill to smoke a brisket. I kid you not. The cooking process will go on all day long, sometimes over 12 hours, for one hunk of meat! The man takes his meat very, very seriously. Bim! Bam! Ka-pow!

The coolest thing about being partnered with an amazing Grill Ninja like Señor Kew, is that I get to enjoy the bounties of his efforts. And, my oh my, they are yummy. If he ever asks you over for dinner, you’ll want to make every effort to be there and run, don’t walk to be on time for the main course.

Other than the fact that he often smells like smoke, I can’t think of any downside to being married to my barbecue hero. I’m one lucky Wimpy Girl.

Happy Barbecue Season!