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Panty Lines

 

During my childhood years in Texas, my mother and both grandmothers were always on a mission to make everyone eat black-eyed peas and some green vegetables, usually turnip greens, every New Year’s Day. This food combination was supposed to ensure our luck for the new year ahead. Whether we liked the peas and greens or not, we pretended we did. We didn’t want to risk a year of misfortune just because we didn’t eat our veggies. Some of the braver members of my family would throw in some jalapenos to add a spicy kick to turbocharge them into the new year. Naturally, a sizable skillet of cornbread that could feed an army accompanied the peas and greens culinary masterpiece. Yee haw!

I always treated the peas, greens, and peppers like distant relatives at family gatherings—polite nods and minimal interaction. But when it came to cornbread, it was like a long-lost lover returning from war—I devoured it with reckless abandon. Even though eating black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day is like the four-leaf clover of Texas, my grandmother’s cornbread was the real jackpot.

Now that we live in Mexico, we’ve tried to celebrate like the locals, and believe me, in Mexico, they’ve got more New Year’s traditions than you can shake a pinata at. Our favorite involves not what you eat but rather what you wear. To guarantee a smashingly successful new year in Mexico, you’ve got to rock some fresh, new undies. A good thing, right?

But wait, there’s more. Not just any old skivvies will do. The Mexicans have a keen eye for their undergarments, to the point that the color matters. This time of year, all of the neighborhood clothing stores around us have brilliant displays of panties, bras, and frilly lingerie to tempt your pocketbook as well as your fate for the upcoming year. According to the superstition, here is what each color means.

Did you know that the secret to becoming wealthy lies in the magical power of new, yellow underwear? Yes, you heard it right! Forget about working hard or investing wisely. On New Year’s Eve, all you need to do is slip into a pair of vibrant yellow undies and watch the money rain down on you. It’s like having an ATM strapped to your waist!

Hubba, Hubba, oh baby, oh baby, oh baby! If you are feeling frisky and fancy, donning red underwear on New Year’s is an absolute must. It’s like a signal to the universe that you’re ready for some spicy romance in your life. Plus, who knows, maybe Cupid himself will spot your scarlet skivvies and shoot an arrow of love right into your heart.

Strut your stuff like a flamingo in pink panties and you will attract true love, new love, and friendship. Like red, pink represents love, but for platonic relationships. In fact, wearing pink may transform you into a social butterfly, so be ready to spread your social wings.

Ah, the color white is the ultimate symbol of peace, harmony, and tranquility. It’s like a fluffy cloud floating in a sea of rainbows, whispering sweet nothings to your soul. It’s the color that says, “Hey dude, let’s all just chill and be cool.” So, on New Year’s, wear good old whitey tighties and you’ll be so peaceful and hopeful that you probably won’t care what color your underwear is.

Blue is the color of health and wellness and is a gentle reminder that we should probably put down that donut and go for a jog. If fitness is your goal for the new year, nothing says, “I’m serious about my health” more than a snazzy pair of blue panties on New Year’s Eve.

If you are an eco-conscious sort or feel the itch for wanderlust, slip into a pair of green panties this New Year’s. Clearly, green is the color of all things nature-related, but it’s also the color of envy and the Hulk’s muscles, so be ready for plenty of swashbuckling adventures in the new year.

Black represents power and focus. Think ninja in a tuxedo. If you’re aiming to conquer the new year like a fearless warrior, make sure to put on a pair of black undies on New Year’s Eve. Because nothing says “I’m ready to kick some butt” like black underwear.

Alternatively, if you are swimming in a sea of good fortune, money, and happiness (lucky you), maybe you’ll opt to embrace the freedom of going commando this New Year’s Eve. But tread lightly with this one, my friend. If you find yourself at a New Year’s party where the dress code involves dropping your pants at the stroke of midnight to share hopes and dreams for the coming year, well, you might be making an entrance into the new year that could get you in trouble. But, at least it will be memorable!

May your new year be filled with love, friendship, wealth, prosperity, good health, peace, courage, and a new pair of underwear!

Happy New Year!

 

 

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This work by Anel “Pookie” Ryan is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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