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Everyone should be wearing a fitness tracker.

If you already wear one of these precious health progress armbands, you know what an important role it plays in your daily activities. If you don’t have one, ask Santa for one, and then be really good so that he will bring it to you.

They come in all shapes, sizes and colors and they do A LOT to provide insight into your activity habits. Capt’n Clean and I don’t leave home without our Fitbits strapped to our wrists. The horror of all horrors is when we forget that our beloved devices have been left at home attached to their chargers. Generally we realize it after we’ve walked miles…and miles without them. It’s like all those steps didn’t really happen!

So whether you have a fitness tracker tan line on your arm or you are considering purchasing one, here are a few quips and really cool things about these marvelous devices. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d get this pumped about armbands, so bear with me.

Fitbit Poker

Whenever there is a chore that neither Capt’n Clean nor I would rather not do, we don’t flip a coin or draw straws to see who has to do it, we play Fitbit poker. Since we are always wearing our devices, we both stop and check the number of steps we’ve each taken that day. The one who can make the best poker hand (2 pairs, 3 of a kind, etc.) from the number of steps shown on our Fitbits wins a “get out of doing the chore” pass.

Wrist Orgasms

Our step goals for each day is 10,000. Most fitness trackers make it a big deal when you hit your designated step goal. Ours have fireworks images exploding across the face of the device, plus they vibrate. So when we are out and about we always signal each other know when we’ve reached out goal by raising a fist into the air. No words are spoken, we just know. We call it our daily wrist orgasm.

Bedroom Jogging

At night, before I go to bed, I always check my Fitbit steps. If I haven’t made my 10,000 step goal for the day, I do laps around the bed, pumping my arms double time.

Paint Can Cheater

We’ve always been fascinated with the paint mixers in hardware stores. Recently, I accompanied Capt’n Clean to a local paint store to buy paint for a table that he was refinishing. As we were watching our paint get a super duper shake in the wonderful vibrating machine, the good Capt’n remarked, “Just think how many steps that paint can would have recorded if it had been wearing my Fitbit!” To which I replied, “Don’t even think it!”


One of the most beneficial stats that is provided by most fitness trackers is a sleep score. It’s amazing. My Fitbit registers not only how many hours I sleep each night, but also provides a chart of the quality of that sleep. Some of you may know that I’m a sleepwalker. I figure I get double brownie points in Fitbit-land for getting enough sleep AND chalking up steps at the same time. Win-Win.

Ya Gotta Have Heart

You probably have realized that I’m a fanatic when it comes to exercising your heart. I love that my Fitbit will, at any given time, tell me exactly what my heart rate is. It also keeps a daily tally of what my average resting heart rate is. Good stuff to know at my age.

The Future of Fitness Trackers

The Pew Research Center recorded in 2020 that 1 in 5 US adults wears a smart watch or fitness tracker. They are big business. Likewise impressive are their capabilities. It’s projected that fitness trackers of the future will measure blood sugar levels, send data to your doctor and even be able to produce full ECG sleep reports. They are incredibly remarkable devices. Even Dick Tracy would be impressed.

Just like Santa, my Fitbit knows me very well. It knows when I am sleeping. It knows when I’m awake. I knows when I’ve been bad or good with my diet, water consumption, sleep and exercise regimen.

So, if don’t have a fitness tracker, be good for goodness sake, and ask for one this holiday. The gift of good health is priceless.

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This work by Anel “Pookie” Ryan is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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