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Make Some Waves

Isn’t Snoop Dogg great?

There will definitely be no “weenies” among those of us who don our bikinis on the shorelines or at the pool this summer, especially if you are an aging beach babe, like me.

On July 12th, Capt’n Clean and I are returning to the island of Vieques, Puerto Rico, for three months. And, yes, I’m bringing my bikinis. Vieques is a small island south of Puerto Rico with a population of around 8,000 people and about 2,500 wild horses. We were there in 2017 just in time for both Hurricane Irma and Hurricane Maria and then two years later we were there for a month. So, it’s been roughly four years since we’ve experienced island life. We both are super excited.

So now we are packing like maniacs in a last-ditch effort not to forget anything. I’m packing beach togs, baby! And, frankly, my swimsuit prep has got me thinking about what is involved in being a beach babe again. Can I pull it off at my age? If I wiggle into my bikini and run along the beach will I automatically become babe-alicious? I’m pretty sure that I’ll be walking rather than running this time around, but I’m a fast walker. I’m also pretty sure I’ll be wearing shorts over my bikini bottoms. So I’m wondering, can even old ladies turn back the clock and morph back into being beach babes? Or should I just settle for being the iconic aging woman who wears a moo-moo and calls people to dinner by blowing into a conch shell?

Hey, just because I’m old doesn’t mean I’m not going to try, and bikinis take up a lot less space in a suitcase than moo-moos. Also, I know that beach babe”ness” involves much more than just owning a bikini. I’m somewhere in between a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model and a moo-moo mama, so I’m going to give beach babe a shot. Here is my plan. If you too find yourself in beach babe bikini purgatory this summer, feel free to try any of these ideas or add your own.

Talk the Talk

If you have ever vacationed or lived near a beach you know there is a lingo that all people use. If you hang around beach people for long, you’ll find yourself saying words like “dude,” “totally,” “gnarly,” and “far out.” So brush up on your island vernacular. The younger people will be amazed and realize that a babe is a babe, no matter how old she is.

Toss the Makeup

Most beach babes go au naturale as far as makeup. I’m down with that. But never, ever forget to slather on sunscreen and lip balm with sunscreen. While you are at it, make sure you are not stingy with bug spray too.


The absolute best thing on your feet while at the beach is flip-flops. Every beach person I know wears them. I’ve seen dudes climb all over rocks wearing them. I’ve seen super dudes outrun Vieques horses wearing them. If you go to the beach wearing tennis shoes or dainty sandals, you’ll never reach beach babe status.

Caracas Beach, Vieques, Puerto Rico

Have a “Babe” Attitude

Beach babe”ness” is all about having a low-maintenance, laid-back persona while having fun on the beach. Beach babes are chill. Beach babes are not fussy. If you tend to be a bossy organizer, like me, it may be time to dial it back a bit while on the beach. Actually, you probably won’t even need to try, soaking in the aura of the beach will do it for you.

Beach Babes at Water Aerobics, Vieques, Puerto Rico

Suit Up: Looking the Part

I have two one-piece swimsuits and two bikinis that have been pushed to the back of my closet for years now. As I shake off the dust piled on each garment I’m thinking that the one-pieces will be what I wear to my water aerobics class, and the bikinis are for the beach. If it’s just Capt’n Clean and me at Caracas Beach (our favorite) I won’t wear shorts over the bottoms. If there is a crowd, the shorts will stay on as I take the plunge into the aqua-clear Caribbean water. But either way, I’ll be wearing my bikini, and doing the famous beach babe hair toss to let the world know that this beach babe abides and has returned to Vieques.

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Leigh Morgan
Leigh Morgan
9 months ago

I love this!!!! I’m leaving for the beach Sunday and was thinking some of the same things! My bikinis won out! I decided I don’t know anyone except who I’m going with, so who cares!

9 months ago
Reply to  Leigh Morgan

You will look great! Totally rad! Beach babe beautiful! Have a great trip Leigh! Xoxo

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This work by Anel “Pookie” Ryan is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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