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Haunted Fridge Night

So you think you are brave, huh?
Read on, and we’ll see.

Mwa-ha-ha!

On October 30th, the eve of All Hallows Eve, as night falls, gather your loved ones and equip each with a flashlight, or better yet, lit candles. Have them all wear medical masks and surgical gloves. A copious amount of garbage bags should be available. Proceed cautiously into your kitchen. Perhaps the most spiritual of your group will want to light a bundle of sage and do a bit of smudging before proceeding. That done, let your clan’s most stouthearted soul slowly open your refrigerator. If anyone freezes or passes out at this step, allow them to be excused from going any further. This is no job for the faint of heart; they will just slow you down.

With your core team of stalwart souls established, proceed. First, move away the veil of containers at the front of the fridge. You are about to go to where no one in recent memory has gone—to the back of the fridge!

BEWARE!

There is a good chance that what lurks there may be haunted. Moldy cheese, spoiled milk, and ghosts of meals past may greet you, sending shivers down your spine and creating vivid images in your brain that will terrorize you for years to come.

You have just entered the Haunted Fridge.

Mwa-ha-ha!

October 30th is Haunted Refrigerator Night. It’s time to exorcise your iceboxes in the form of a good deep cleaning. October 30th is also my baby brother’s birthday, but all of my other siblings agree that he was spoiled, so I guess it kind of fits.

So, it’s pretty obvious which things in your fridge need to be trashed. If the Tupperware is permanently stained or green stuff is blooming around the edge, it’s garbage. But what about the other stuff? Do you know the fridge life of every item inside? I thought I did, but as I researched for this story, I found that I’m dumb as far as food safety goes. Here’s what I learned.

Ground Beef: If it’s in the fridge, use within 2 days. If stored in the freezer, it is best used within 4 months.

Hot Dogs: Will keep in the fridge for 2 weeks if unopened. If opened, it will remain safe for only one week. Can be frozen for 1-2 months maximum.

Hard Cheese: Unopened cheese can be stored for up to 6 months in the fridge; if opened, only 3–4 weeks. Hard cheese may be frozen for up to 6 months.

Soft Cheese: One week, regardless of whether opened or unopened.

Apples: 3 weeks
Blueberries: 1 week
Broccoli and cauliflower: 1 week
Chard, kale, and spinach: 3 days
Leafy herbs: 3 days
Lemons and limes: 3 weeks
Lettuce: 5 days
Melon: 5 days
Mushrooms: 1 week
Strawberries and raspberries: 3 days
Winter squash: 1 week
Woody herbs: 3 weeks

Here is a handy chart for all refrigerated foods:

I double-dog dare you to do a little fridge purging this week and dispose of all the haunted food, or use what comes out to scare people on Halloween. Take time to disinfect and wipe down your entire refrigerator just to make sure all the horrible spirits are gone. The putrid smells will have dissipated, your fridge will run more efficiently, and you will eat healthier. Well, maybe you won’t eat healthier; after all, it is Halloween. At least after you scarf down all the leftover trick-or-treat candy, you can find solace in knowing you have a clean refrigerator!

Have a frightfully wicked Haunted Refrigerator Night…and…

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

 

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John
John
6 months ago

OMG! After reading that shelf life chart I think I should be dead, or at least mostly dead.
Just think of the space you’ll have for all those Thanksgiving leftovers!

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This work by Anel “Pookie” Ryan is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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